she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
