mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
