youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
