wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
