If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
