Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
