I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
