Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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