so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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