So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
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