I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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