new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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