She is in my trunk
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
