Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
