so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
