walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize