We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
God I need to hump something, right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
