i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
