trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I stole a fireplace last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
