I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
