it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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