i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
