You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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