I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
