Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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