I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
