When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize