Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
