I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
