toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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