But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She's JV to your varsity
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
