I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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