Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
