its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
two words...techno handjob
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
