We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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