Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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