one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
