I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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