pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
