Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
