That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
