We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
