pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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