Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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