i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
