i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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