What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Randomize
