Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
