When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
