why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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