Please, let me fuck your mom
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
