You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
