I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
