Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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