we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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