My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
