I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
now i know why i became what i already was.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
