well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize