so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
