YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize