I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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