I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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