the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
