i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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