Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
