just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
