Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
