Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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