How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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