Apparently you make a good broom.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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