was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
