i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
