I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
