i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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