my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
