She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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