Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You were trust falling into bushes
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
