...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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