Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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