I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
