$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
