Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize