omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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