bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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