Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
