either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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