Betty ford says i'm here all night
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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